


He Keeps Me Warm

by cosplaykisses



Category: Dream Daddy: A Dad Dating Simulator
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Angst, Brian represents emotional stability, Dadsona is a recovering alcoholic, Depression, Dream Daddy Spoilers, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Stability, Eventual Smut, Father-Daughter Relationship, Game Grumps Humor, Gay, Hurt/Comfort, Intimacy, M/M, Past Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-29
Updated: 2017-07-30
Packaged: 2018-12-08 14:07:40
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 11,077
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11648124
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cosplaykisses/pseuds/cosplaykisses
Summary: It can be a difficult road if you have to travel on your own. Luckily, Justin Beckett has found someone to walk this path with him. Someone to hold his hand and tell him that things are okay.(Rating may be subject to change in later chapters.)





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Wow Im really hoping I did okay with this first chapter. I know it's just setup, and I plan on uploading another chapter directly after. I would really love some feedback though!! Justin and Brian have a long way to go. ;^)

My daughter’s graduation seems like only yesterday, and her party just this morning; and yet, here she is, getting into her car with everything from her room packed up into tiny cardboard boxes, leaving me and our home to pursue everything she's ever wanted. It was a bittersweet experience though. On the one hand, I’m so happy to see her off, ready to take on the world headfirst and I'm envisioning all her photos gracing the covers of high-quality magazines in department stores, but on the other… My little girl was growing up. She was bigger, and clearly knew how to take care of herself at the age of eighteen, but that meant I was getting older too. I couldn’t help it, there was still a part of me that felt upset with knowing that she didn’t need me anymore, despite her promise to call me every day for the rest of her life. _She had better follow through with that._  
  
That’s why I felt lucky to have Brian there with me. Our relationship really took off after her graduation party, when we settled into a nice, relaxed, and laid back agreement, the overly-competitive nature of our relationship now refined a little so the two of us could finally, really enjoy the stages of Puppy Love.  
  
Brian and his beautiful daughter, Daisy, as Amanda and I were pushing the rest of her boxes inside the trunk of her car, were just finishing up a little something-something for her to take with her on the long drive Amanda had ahead of her: a hot plate of chocolate chip cookies, her favorite. The aroma wafted through the house and made it smell enticing. I was hoping it was his way of trying to get her to stay here forever. Brian did pop his head out of the doorway, eventually, with the biggest smile on his face. I think he could see the mixed emotions on mine on his way to hand them to her. Brian stopped to look at me with a sympathetic expression.  
  
“Justin, don’t look so down!” He reassured. “I know it’s difficult watching your baby bird leave the nest, but look at her. She’s _ready_ to get out of here and show everyone everything she has to offer. You should be proud!” Brian was brief, rubbing my shoulder. I was a little more relieved hearing that from him. I am proud of my daughter, more proud than anyone in the neighborhood could be of their child right now. Before Brian could even take a step away from me, Amanda had hovered over to see what was in the plastic container.  
  
“And I don’t suppose these happen to be Brian’s Famous Not-So-Famous Chocolate Chip Delights?” She asked, already starting to pry her fingers under the lid. Brian shook his head, his smile still stretched on his lips.  
  
“Indeed they are, a nice double-baker’s dozen! They’re for you to take on your trip and _keep in your dorm_ if you can somehow manage to control yourself, little miss. A little piece of home from your papa and I.” He said, moving to hug Amanda like the big bear he was. Daisy, of course, butted in saying that she helped with the cookies and expected just as much praise from Amanda as her father got for this valorous endeavor.  
  
After their hugfest was over and Amanda had a chance to breathe, she pulled the top off the cookies and immediately shoved one into her mouth. I wasn’t even sure she had chewed it. She spoke up, though, and looked at me with her large, toothy grin. “Dad, I really gotta tell ya’. You picked a good one. This guy right here? Amazing. Fantastic. Hook, line, and sinker.”  
  
“Did you just make a fishing pun?” I ask her, putting my hands on my hips.  
  
“Maybe I did, maybe it was intentional. Unfortunately, I have a huge meeting to attend on the opposite side of the state so I’ll have to get going, right now, immediately.” Amanda said, starting to walk back to her car. For a minute I really do think she’s going to get in the car and zoom off without even saying goodbye to me… That is, until she comes back to me with empty hands and her arms stretched out to either side of her. I can’t help but hoist her so high that her feet are off the ground, my own arms wrapping around her and squeezing her tight.  
  
“I’m really gonna miss you, panda...” I say to her, the heat on my face is swarming and tears prick at the corners of my eyes. _You promised her you wouldn’t cry, you told her you wouldn’t, Justin what are you doing oh god here we gO --_  
   
“Dad, I’m gonna miss you too, but remember it’s only gonna be for a couple months, I’ll be home for the holidays before you know it! It’s going to be okay, promise.” She said, waiting for me to set her back down on the ground. My face was already a snotty, pathetic mess, and she rolled her eyes. “Dad, please don’t cry, you said—“  
  
“I know what I said Amanda, I **know** what I **said**!!“ I sob, wiping my eyes with my hands. My daughter steps in to hug me one more time, laughing a bit under her breath. I can feel a bit of wetness on her face too, but I know she’d kick my ass if I mentioned it to her. Instead, I squeeze her tight, and let her go again. I wave to her once she’s in the driver's seat, and Brian and Daisy do just the same as she backs out of the driveway. There’s a tugging in my heart that makes it sink to my stomach, but I feel a hand on my lower back, rubbing the skin beneath the fabric of my shirt in an attempt to comfort me. It’s working.  
  
I lean against Brian and rest my head on his shoulder, her car is already turning out of the cul-de-sac. Daisy steps closer to hold my hand, both of them smiling at me as I continue to bawl my eyes out like the weak baby man everyone knows me to be. “Come on.” Brian says, nudging me so I turn back into my home. “We’re going to watch a couple movies, the three of us, and we’re going to have a good night. If you’re lucky, maybe I’ll even order us…” He looks around to see if anyone else is listening, despite there being nobody out but us. “ _A pizza._ ”  
  
I inhale dramatically, and press a hand to my chest. “A pizza?! Are you nuts?! That’s getting a little too wild, Brian!!”  
  
Daisy just stares at us, “I don’t understand, pizza seems like a reasonable thing to order and—Oh, wait, a joke, right?” She asks. The both of us just giggle at her childish naivete and continue our trek back inside the house from the driveway. We settle in for the night, building a nest of blankets and pillows to get ready for whatever movie whichever one of us puts on. I put a smile on my face, but there’s still this rain cloud forming in the back of my mind. I shake it off for the time being, trying instead to focus on the people in front of me.  
  
  



	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Warnings for: Talk about alcoholism, struggling with depressive thoughts

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh geez Im posting multiple chapters today this is gonna be a shit show :V still, if it means more Brian Harding fanfics are out there I will write until my fingers bleed.

I didn’t think it was going to be this hard, I knew I was going to struggle a little, but I didn’t think it would be like this. It feels like my head is closing in, and I can feel my body tugging me up off the couch where my boyfriend and his daughter are sleeping soundly. The movie went on longer than expected, and I stopped paying attention halfway through the run time. I thought a movie and a pizza would solve things, or at least help alleviate the situation, but it didn’t really help at all. My mind was still stuck racing over my little girl. She was gone, and the house felt more empty, even though it was currently occupied by two large personalities. I feel sad. I feel upset.  
  
Before I know it, I’m standing in the kitchen and leaning against the counter, staring at the bottles that rest on the top of the fridge. I hadn’t picked one up on my own since… Since Alex died. I spent a year wallowing in my own self-pity once he was gone, Amanda had to stay with my parents for the duration of my rehabilitation. I needed to get clean for her, but now that she’s gone… There are too many thoughts running through my head, it feels heavy, I can’t think. _You can’t do this again,_ I tell myself. _You have a new family, you have to think about them first. Do you really want them to see you like that? Do you want Brian to see you stumbling around and incoherent? What about Daisy? She’s only ten, you can’t let her see that from you._  
  
“Justin?...”  
  
I turn to see Brian in the doorway to the kitchen, he’s rubbing his eyes and palming for the light switch. When the lights come on, I turn my head away from him so he can’t see how puffy and red my eyes are. “Justin, what are you doing just creeping around the kitchen?” He asks. “You lookin’ for a midnight snack?”  
  
“Yeah, just trying to decide whether I want a drink or not.” I tell him honestly. My voice cracks when I speak though, completely giving away that my solid exterior is crumbling. Brian is by my side in a heartbeat, turning my face to meet his own with his much larger hands. He stares at me, but I cant bring myself to stare back. After a moment of silence, I swallow the forming lump in my throat, and I finally give in to look at him. “I miss Amanda.”  
  
Brian brings me into his arms, that soft little smile on his mouth now. “I know you miss her, but that’s gonna start fading away soon, it’ll be alright…” He comforts me with a heavy palm on my back, the other right below it in a tight embrace. I bury my face into his shoulder and start to sob weakly, gripping his shirt in my own trembling fingers. We stay like this, huddled up together for quite a while as he tries to bring me back down. Once I’ve stopped crying, I look up at him and press my forehead to his own. “I’m sorry about all this, I know I should just suck it up, and—“  
  
“What?” Brian interrupts. “What do you mean ‘suck it up’? Nobody here told you that you had to suck it up. You’re hurting, Justin, and that’s completely understandable. We all know you and your daughter have a strong bond, so you’re _allowed­_ to feel upset like this. It’ll get better with time, hurt always does.” He says to me, petting a hand through my dreadlocks. I smile and say nothing, only to lean in and press my lips against his.  
  
I always feel so safe with Brian, he has a much better handle on things than I do. He’s kind, he’s smart, he's practical… He always knows how to make you feel good about yourself, no matter how upset you get. That’s why I love him. He’s just a big protector, and I couldn’t be more in love with him because of it.  
  
Slowly we part, but he leaves me slouching in his embrace. “I should probably take Daisy home, she might appreciate waking up in her own bed. Are you going to be okay here?... You know Im just next door, and you have me on speed dial if you ever need something, okay sweetheart?” He says softly, kissing my forehead as he eventually lets me go. I nod in agreement, and make a halfhearted attempt to assure him that yes, I'll call if I need anything. When Brian and a now barely-awake Daisy are heading down the pavement to the house just near mine, I watch, and feel that pit in my stomach again.  
  
The door shuts behind me as I walk back into my too-quiet house, too aware with how empty it truly is now. The energy is gone, like the life had been sucked out of it. I find myself back in the kitchen, staring at the bottle of whiskey sitting atop the fridge. Maybe just one glass before bed… I pluck the amber bottle up from its resting place, and set it in front of me. It takes me too long to grab a glass, time is slowing down around me as I fight with myself, arguing that this will and won’t help my situation.   
  
Memories of my last bout with a drink that wasn’t a watered-down beer flood back into my mind: My sister’s wedding, right after Alex had died. My Mom and Dad were dancing with Amanda on the floor during some played-out song from our youth, and rather than having my daughter on my hip, there was a flask filled with a mixture of liquors that really should not have been mixed together. I collapsed on the hors d’oevre table, and blasted words I wouldn’t dare repeat to my poor sister and her new husband. We haven’t talked since then, she refuses to acknowledge my presence. I wonder if she’s forgiven me yet, just never bothered to reach out to me.  
  
I feel that overwhelming sadness and I slowly pick up the glass now filled nearly to the top, letting the liquid slide down my gullet. I shiver and grit my teeth, I forgot how much bad whiskey burns on the way down.  
  
I wake up the next morning curled up on my kitchen floor, the once ¾ of the way filled bottle now empty and my head pounding. Regret washes over me, _so much for those chips, right?_ I’m radiating guilt, I’m sure, and I try my hardest to pull myself up off the floor and lean against the counter. There’s a sharp pain in my back from sleeping on cold linoleum all night, and blood is rushing to the rest of my body in order to wake it up and help stop that pins and needles sensation I feel in my legs and hips.  
  
The first thing I do when my body is right back to its normal self, save for the lingering pounding in my head, is I look at the calendar to remind me what day it is and what’s going on. Today is… Thursday, Brian has work today so Daisy will be at the house taking care of Maxwell. School doesn’t start for another week. I realize that I’ll be alone again in my home today, and that pit is back for the third time, only this time it feels like a bowling ball in my stomach, sitting and weighing me back down to the floor. I feel my eyes begin to water, and immediately I look back up to the top of the fridge. It helped quiet these feelings, it helped me forget. In the moment that I reached for a smaller, clear bottle, I didn’t think about Brian or Daisy, I didn’t think about anyone but myself. I wanted to forget.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Warning for: Alcohol/Substance abuse, alcohol poisoning, severe depression, vomit.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Three chapters in one day? Hoo boy I'm on a roll here. I PROMISE there will be more Brian interaction soon just plEASE

It took a while for Amanda to call, I asked her to call me as soon as she was settled in and unpacked, just to check up on me and make sure I wasn’t dead. It’s about a week before I get my first call since she left, I see her Caller ID light up on my phone from my place sunken into the couch. “Manda Panda?” I say out loud once I’d picked up and answered. I’m so excited to hear her voice that I don’t even bother yelling at her, or giving her a lecture on what ‘as soon as you’re settled in’ was really supposed to mean.  
  
“No, this is actually the IRS calling to collect your social security number for a very important survey. I also need your credit card information and your bank account pin.” She says, it’s euphoric to hear her voice again. “What’s shakin’ pops? Have you nearly burned down the house yet?”  
  
“That was a one-time incident at the old house, I didn’t _mean_ to light the curtains, I was just trying to show you how easy it was to light the fireplace with flint and steel.” I snark back to her. I hear her laugh and it lifts the weight off of my shoulders. “But no, everything is okay. I miss you a great deal though, everything is so much quieter. I don’t even think the dog can make this place bright enou—“  
  
“You got a dog?! Without me?! What kind of dog is it? Is it a puppy? Send me pictures!!” She screams, and I only get a small window of a chance to butt in and tell her that it’s just Maxwell, Brian's dog, that I was talking about. “Well, still, tell Maxwell I love him and will be coming back for him shortly. And I still want pictures!!” I chuckle, pushing a bit of hair from my face.  
  
“I promise, you’ll get all the dog photos for your dog photo needs when I see Maxwell again.” I don’t give her an exact date or time, because I don’t know when I’ll be able to step out of the house again. I neglect to tell her that I’ve started to slip back into my old habits, I don’t want to worry her. She needs to focus on this, on her schoolwork when it eventually starts up again.  
  
We chat a while longer, and I don’t want her to get off the phone with me, but I can tell she’s running out of things to talk about. “Anyways, I’ll let you go. I’m sure you’ve got big city exploring to do around the area. Be safe, keep your shoes on, don’t do anything I wouldn’t do, you hear?”  
  
“Damn, you found me out. Change of plans people, looks like instead of snorting lines of coke and robbing the school’s treasury we’re just gonna stay home and watch cooking shows.” Amanda teases me, and I roll my eyes. She can hear me scoff, and she reassures me that she won’t be getting into any trouble tonight. “You can count on me dad, let loose a little. I’ll call you again tomorrow, okay?”  
  
“Okay pumpkin…” I say reluctantly. “I love you so much, make good choices.”  
  
“I love you too dad. See ya.” _Click._  
  
As I hear the dial tone on the opposite side of the receiver, I place my phone back down on the table and settle into my place in the sofa cushions. I stare up at the ceiling blankly, my teeth immediately going to chew at my lip. She sounds so happy, and here I am just wallowing in nothing. I need to be happier for her, I need to get back into the swing of things. I try desperately to motivate myself to at least text back to the messages that Brian had sent to me today, asking if I needed anything, but I couldn’t. My fingers on the hand that wasn’t clutching the phone were stuck in place, wrapped around the neck of a vodka bottle. There’s an echo in my head of Robert asking how anyone could chug straight vodka during one of our conversations early on in our friendship. I think now that I should have told him to watch me.  
  
I don’t feel so good, I’m queasy, and suddenly that storm is back and messing with my insides. There’s a ringing in my ears, muffling the sound of my phone going off. Another text from Brian, probably. I’m sorry.  
  
I immediately reach to pull the cap off of the bottle, forcing myself to take a long, fiery glug of the booze in my grasp. There’s a voice in my head screaming for me to stop it, but once I’ve swallowed that gulp, it quiets. Another buzz from the table. Sluggishly, I make my way up and to the bathroom, it’s too hot in the room now, a splash of cold water will help me out. Once I’m soaked in freezing-cold water, I look up and stare at myself in the mirror.  
  
My reflection is frozen. There are dark and swollen duffel bags under my eyes, now bloodshot. My skin looks pale, I know I’m dehydrated because all I’ve had for the past four days to drink is hard liquor. My hair is a mess, and I’m sure it stinks. I’m sure that _I_ stink. In a sudden bout of anger, I scream and send my fist flying into the mirror. It doesn’t crack or shatter, but I can feel my fist pop. My knuckles make a loud cracking sound, and I shake out my hand. Not broken, but I wouldn’t have cared if it was. Not right now, anyway. I can hear my phone ringing, just faintly. The nauseous feeling I had is back, and I can’t control myself long enough to prevent myself from throwing up into the sink. My stomach hurts, it’s hard to breathe. I send another wave of vomit into the sink, gripping it so tight I thought it was going to snap off. There are tears running down my flushed, too-pale cheeks now, how could I have let it get this far?  
  
My phone is still ringing, I really should start learning to text people back. I feel as though I’ve completely thrown up everything I had in my system, but it keeps coming up. My body collapses onto the cold tile of the bathroom, and I crawl to the toilet so it’s at least caught in something. Once the whole ordeal is done, my body is too weak to keep upright, and I’m laying on the floor. The cold tile is nice, but I can hear a banging coming from the front room. If I were honest, I thought it was a figment of my imagination. I can feel the lower half of my body go numb, and I’m blacking out just as I hear the front door opening.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Warning for: POV Change, vomit, hospitals, sad stuff

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh man what a POV change?????? :0c nice.

Brian was starting to grow worried, he’d been texting Justin on and off over the course of the past few days. Each day would begin with a good morning, and end with a good night. Brian wanted desperately to be able to tell Justin he loved him, but he also wanted to avoid rushing into things. They’d only been _officially_ together for about a month. Was that too soon? He felt it was too soon. Either way, he wanted to always let Justin know he was thinking about him. Since Amanda left, though, Justin seemed… Off. He rarely texted back, was seemingly always out of the house or sleeping, the house was always dark. Brian grew more and more worried as the days passed.  
  
On this particular evening, though, there was a weight in his gut, something wasn’t right. His fatherly intuition was starting to blare with warning lights and sirens, but he shoved it aside. He thought something may have been wrong with Daisy, but she was as bright and chipper as the early birds. Maybe Maxwell?? Nope, he was bounding around his feet, waiting for his evening pets. The last thing that Brian thought of was Justin, sitting at home. He peeked out of his window and over to his boyfriend’s house, the front window was lit up in blue with the light of the television, so he had to be in there, seeing as Amanda was gone. That really only left him…  
  
**> Hey!! I was thinking about maybe making dinner tonight with Daisy. Did you want to come over and help us out? :)   
**  
No answer. That weight in his gut grew stronger, and his eyebrows furrowed together in confusion. Now he _knew_ something wasn’t right.  
  
**> Justin, sweetie, is everything okay? If you want to talk, Im here.**  
  
Still no answer, he even waited a few MINUTES before making the executive decision to actually call his boyfriend. He kept peeking out the window, the phone to his ear as he waiting for the gentle ringing to stop, and for Justin’s voice to actually speak to him, tell Brian he was sleeping or in the shitter. He was met with Justin’s voicemail instead.  
  
_Hey, you’ve reached Justin, leave your name and digits and if you’re nice enough, maybe I’ll call you back, heh! You know what to do._  
  
Brian started to speak after the beep, “Hey, baby! I was just calling to check up on you, you haven’t been answering lately, and I figured you’d want some time to yourself, but Im starting to get a little worried. Can you call me back, please? Thank you!” When Brian hung up, there was only more panic when on the second time he called, he was met with the voicemail again. He didn’t bother leaving another one, he simply told Daisy to wait here for him and keep Maxwell inside. Brian stepped outside of the house and walked down the sidewalk the few feet it took him to get to Justin’s home. He knocked on the door patiently, though his foot was beating down on the pavement like a rabbit’s. A nervous habit of his. When he got no answer, he knocked again, this time calling for his lover. The curtains were open just a smidge, so he was able to look inside. He felt his heart drop when he saw a small, dark-skinned hand on the floor, poking out of a doorway in the hall. _I knew something was up._  
  
Brian began to search frantically for the spare key that he knew Justin had, and nearly screamed when he found it in one of the plants near the door. When he was able to get the door open, he burst in like the cops were breaking down the slab of wood. “Justin!! Justin, fuck!!” He shouted, storming down the hallway.  
  
Justin was unconscious, lying in a pool of his own vomit and bile, an unsightly yellow color. The sink was full of his sick, and his body looked… Discolored, did he hit his head? Was he always so sick and just never bothered to tell anyone? Brian didn’t want to think about it, he wanted to get him up off the freezing tile. “Justin, please don’t do this…” He muttered, his voice struggling to stay together. Brian put his ear next to the man’s face, he was still breathing so that was a start. Once Brian had him sitting upright against his chest, he yanked out his phone and dialed emergency services.  
  
Red and blue lights lit up the cul-de-sac like the fourth of July, and sirens now spilling into the area were sure to have woken up the rest of their neighbors. Brian sat stoic, just whispering words of encouragement to his lover, rocking them slowly. He wasn’t sure if he was doing this more for Justin’s sake or his own. When the EMTs came in through the door and stole him away, Brian refused to let them take him anywhere without at least taking his contact information with them. Even then, he was already pulling his keys from his pocket and getting ready to book it to the car.  
  
All of their neighbors were now standing outside of their doors, wondering what all the commotion was. Craig was the first to run over, though, and Hugo followed suit.  
  
“Dude, what’s going on? Is Justin okay?” Craig spoke, staring at the ambulance as they hooked his bro up to what seemed like too many machines and loaded him into the ambulance. “What the fuck happened?”  
  
“All we heard were sirens, that was a giveaway that something was wrong right there, this place is always so quiet…” Hugo muttered. “He doesn’t look good…”  
  
Brian could barely speak, his tongue felt dry, like cottonmouth. He shook his head, and scratched a bit at his beard. “I-I don’t know, I don’t know… I was trying to get him to answer my texts and next thing I know, he’s covered in vomit and stinks of booze, and he’s out cold on the bathroom floor. He wasn’t moving, I-I don’t know how long he was left like that…”  
  
“Come to think of it, he hasn’t been talking to anyone as of late… This could be serious.”  
  
“Craig, things have already gotten serious, Justin is being carried off in an _ambulance_ for god’s sake. If he reeked of alcohol, though, it may be a severe case of alcohol poisoning… That’s all I can think of.” Hugo retorted. The two were now talking amongst themselves of what it could be, and Brian was stuck with the thought that Justin may have been purposefully poisoning himself, maybe just doing it without knowing. Brian shoved past Craig and Hugo to the house, though, and he grabbed Daisy. “I need you to stay with Uncle Craig or Uncle Hugo, okay?” He signaled to both men, who now came trotting over. “I’m going to the hospital, and I’m not coming back until I know for a fact that Justin is going to be okay. Take care of her, I’ll call soon.”  
  
The larger of the group settled into the driver’s seat of his station wagon, and he started the car, speeding off after the ambulance. He was stressed out, scared shitless. What if Justin wasn’t going to be okay? He had to stay there until he had a definite answer.  
  
Brian arrived at the hospital shortly after the ambulance sped off out of sight. He was forced to sit in the waiting room until they were able to settle his lover in, just tapping his foot on the ground or pacing the aisles of chairs. It was almost orgasmic when someone called his name, and he zoomed down the hallway in full sprint to get to the room. One long elevator ride and a knocked over wheelchair later, and Brian had finally gotten to the room that Justin was being sustained in. He looked awful.  
  
The man was hooked up to an IV drip, which already gave Brian the skeevies thanks to his fear of needles. There was a tube in his nose to help him breathe, but his body was completely paled. His once-lively, hazelnut skin was now paled and grey. Brian felt tears rise in his eyes, and he moved to pull the chair in the corner up to his lover’s side. “God, Justin… What the hell are you doing to yourself…”


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Warning for: Heavy themes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The reception for this fic has been amazing, thank you all for your support!! It's good to see that Brian really is in need of some more love, so Im here to provide. You all have been so amazing, and I cant thank you enough!!
> 
> As a last note, I know some of you are getting antsy for the fluff, and I promise, you'll get it. Pain before pleasure, guys!!

I can’t feel my legs, I can’t feel anything really but this numb throbbing in my lower back, and the back of my head. I don’t want to open my eyes, it’s already too bright with them closed. I can hear the gentle beep, beep, beeping of a heart monitor, and the steady breathing of someone by my side. There’s a gentle pressure on my left hand, I don’t know what it is but it’s nice. I stir a bit in my bed, testing the waters before I finally open my eyelids. It’s blurry, and immediately the stress to my corneas causes my eyes to shut tight again. I groan weakly, but I can hear someone shifting beside me, before a voice starts to speak up.  
  
“Justin?...” The voice asks. It’s familiar, comforting… Safe. I try desperately to open my eyes again, covering them with the hand that an IV isn’t poking out of, only to be met with dimmer lights thanks to the familiar voice beside me. It speaks again.  “Justin, it’s me, Brian…” He speaks calmly, almost cooing to me. I turn my head.  
  
“Brian… Hey, where um… What happened?... Where am I?...” I ask. He responds coldly, his head shaking back and forth.  
  
“I don’t know, why don’t you tell me what happened? The doctors told me that you had severe alcohol poisoning, If I didn’t call the ambulance when I did, they said you’d be dead… What have you been doing, is this why you haven’t been answering my texts and calls?” Immediately my heart sinks, and I turn my head away. “Justin, don’t shut me out like this.” He begs, and I still don’t look at him. “Justin!!”  
  
“I like to drink, so fucking what?! Who cares?!” I scream, the heart rate on the monitor skyrocketing. “When I drink, I’m not sad. When I _drink_ I don’t have to think about how my life is in fucking shambles, and I’m so codependent on my daughter that I can’t stand not having her around!!” Before I can say anything else, though, I choke on my own tears, and Brian stands to engulf me in his arms. I can smell the aftershave he uses on his neck, and it’s like home. I’m at home with him. I fall limp in his grip, my voice nearly raw as I sputter and whine. He coos in my ear that things are going to be okay, that I don’t have to hide, that I can do better. All I can do _right now_ though is sob into his chest.  
  
Brian sits on the bed in order to hold me a little more comfortably, and he starts to really talk, rather than just murmur sweet nothings into my ear. “Why didn’t you tell me that something was going on?... I’m here to help you, not hurt you. We could have gone on walks, or just sat in bed… I don’t want to be shut out like that, you could have died and I wouldn’t have known a thing…” He pleads. I can’t face him, but my voice is finally stable enough to talk back.  
  
“It’s not that easy… I wanted to tell you, but the last time I tried asking for help, they pushed me away, they.. I just… I had a relapse. A really bad one.”  
  
“What do you mean?”  
  
I give a sigh, and Brian pulls his warm body away from me. He uses his thumbs to wipe away my tears as I speak. “When Alex died, I started to drink more and more… We would drink at parties, socially, never in front of Amanda when she was younger, but once he was gone, I.. I lost all sense of self control. I carried a flask with me wherever I went, and it got so bad to the point that I pushed nearly all of my family away from me, and I missed out on almost two years of my daughter’s life because I was in stupid rehab, trying to get clean. Now that she’s gone, I’ve got nothing left in that house… I’m such an idiot…”  
  
Brian put a hand on my mouth to stop me from talking, and I finally brought my eyes up to meet his. “You aren’t an idiot.” He said bluntly. “You’re a little busted and blue, but you aren’t an idiot. She’s your only child, Justin, you have every right to be sad and upset, but if it’s going to cause you to act like this, I… I can’t let you do it alone, I won’t. You’re my boyfriend, and I love you, and I don’t want to see you in the hospital like this again.”   
  
I go quiet, just listening to all that he has to say to me, until I break the silence. “… You love me, huh?” That seems to make him freeze and grow flustered, and I can’t help but giggle to him. While he sputters and tries to contain himself again, I reach up slowly to grab his face and pull it down for a kiss. We stay there, letting our lips connect and reconnect, over and over again until I decide to press my forehead to his, relaxing. “I love you too…”  
  
Brian is all smiles and giggles, seems like I really struck a chord in him. He kisses me again, this time unable to contain his bubbling laughter as he smushes our lips together. When we part for the last time, he’s still smiling at me. I don’t feel like I deserve this kindness for what I did, but.. Here he is, providing for me as he always has, since I’ve known him. “Listen to me.” He mutters. “I really _do_ love you, sweetheart, and I want you to be happy, but you can’t shut me out any more. You can’t. I’m gonna help you get through with this, you hear me?” He teases. I nod my head weakly. “Say it.”  
  
“I promise you, Brian. I promise.”  
  
Two days later, after being held in the hospital for observation, Brian is helping me walk back into the house, and Daisy and Maxwell are already there to greet me. Seems that Daisy had prepared some food for me, seeing as the house smelled absolutely divine. She must have gotten her magic touch from her father. Once I step through the threshold, Maxwell is running up to my feet and barking like mad, begging to be picked up. I can’t say no to a face like that. As a self-proclaimed dog lover, there is no way in hell I would deny this little ball of love and fluff the opportunity to lay in my arms and shower me with affection. No way, no how. Daisy is next, and she wanders into the room to give me a hug.  
  
“I’m so happy you’re okay Mr. Beckett, Maxxy and I were really, really worried when we saw you loaded up into the ambulance, but Dad called and said that you were gonna be okay as soon as he heard from the doctors!! He was really scared. We all were. I’m really happy you’re home.”  
  
Brian, once I was seated, had Daisy bring over whatever food she had for me, being a loaded BLT and a glass of orange juice, and he handed me my cell. “You know I had to tell Amanda.” He said. My heart started to beat faster in my chest, fuck. She’s gonna be so pissed off at me, she’s gonna chew my ass out. I sigh, and I take the phone. Dialing her number hurts to do, but I manage to call and she immediately picks up.  
  
“Dad?! Jesus Christ are you okay? What did you do?!”  
  
“Manda, listen to—“  
  
“No, you listen to me, you could have DIED, dad, you had me worried sick, I was about to get my ass in a car and drive down there to that hospital, you had me scared half to death!!” She sounded angry. “I lost one dad, I don’t plan on losing another for a long, long time.” With that, there was a long, long silence between us. A lump formed in my throat when she started to talk again. “Do I need to come home? Because I will, if you need me home.”  
  
“No!” I shout, “No, you are staying there. I’m alright, really. Brian’s here, and the dog is currently massaging my feet.” I’m desperately trying to lighten the mood. “I’m safe. Brian and I had a long talk, and we’re going to be staying together for a while so he can um… Monitor, my behavior. I’m gonna be going to the gym more often too, try to get back on a healthy routine. Honest, Panda. I promise.”  
  
Amanda audibly sighs on the other end of the receiver, but she hums in approval. “Fine. But the next time I get a call from someone saying that your life has gone to shit, I’m hopping in the van and booking it down home. No questions asked.”  
  
“Watch your language, young lady.”  
  
“Yeah yeah. Hey, can you give the phone to your boyfriend? I need to have a word with him.”  
  
“Oh come on dad, are you really gonna try and scare him into taking me to prom? Things don’t work like that.” The banter feels good. Familiar.  
  
“Don’t back talk me, sonny boy. Now give Brian the phone.” She demands.  
  
I get a little nervous as I hand the phone to Brian, but hey, it gives me a chance to stuff my gob with really well cooked food. Food prepared by a ten year old, better than I could ever cook myself. God dammit Daisy. When I got the phone back, however, Amanda simply tells me how much she loves me and says to take care of myself. I don’t even get a chance to ask her what she told Brian before she’s hanging up, and Brian is getting up off the couch.  
  
“Brian—Brian what did you guys talk about? Where are you going?” He’s heading into the kitchen. “Brian come on this isn’t funny.” I can hear glass clinking together, and immediately I spring from my seat and run to my kitchen. I actively ignore the cookies that are cooling on the stove (thank you Based Daisy) and stare at Brian, who has my rather extensive alcohol collection set up near the sink.  
  
“She made me promise to help you quit cold turkey. She and I agree that easing out of this isn’t going to work, and we need to flush your system. Come here.” He said, stretching his hand out to me. I don’t like this one bit, but whatever rationality I have left is telling me that this really is the best for me, no booze, no temptation, no relapse. I know it’s going to be hard to detox, but… I can see I’m not alone. I take his hand in my own, and he places an uncorked bottle of wine in my hands. “Dump it. I’m right here, and I support you.” He reassures.  
  
I swallow thickly, and turn my head away as the first glass-amount of wine spills into the sink, the glugging of the bottle sounding much more lonesome when Im not pouring it into a cup or drinking it straight from the bottle. When the glugging stops, I can feel a heavy hand on my back again. A few tears drip down my cheeks, but there’s another hand to help wipe them away. We spend a solid forty-five minutes dumping alcohol down the drain. We have to stop after every bottle so I can regain my composure, but Brian is there for me, he’s holding me tight, or squeezing me hand, or telling me how proud he is of me and what I’m doing to take a step forward. It gives me strength to finally dump the last bottle of alcohol, a fine aged whiskey, into the sink.  
  
When all is said and done, I’m weak and I can feel my stomach rumbling. It was exhausting doing something like that, but Brian just kept smiling at me. He ushered me back to the couch, allowing me to sit partially in his lap, an honor. I grab my previously forgotten food that Daisy had been guarding from Maxwell, just in case, and I really sink into my seat. It doesn’t take long after I’m fed for me to lean entirely on Brian, his arm resting on me in return, guarding my shoulders. The both of us take to watching whatever Daisy had on the television, giving the occasional smart remark, and the more often dad pun to her dismay.  
  
Brian gives a hearty laugh, and it makes me stop to take in just how wonderful he is. I can’t believe I used to think this man was a showboat, a jackass. He’s been nothing but kind since I got here, and he’s still surprising me with the lengths that he’s willing to go to in order to make me happy.  
  
I really do love him.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Warning for: Depressive behavior, explicit sexual content, fluff??

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> FINALLY IT IS HERE, THE GOOD SHIT HAS BEEN DELIVERED TO THE PEOPLE.
> 
> I think this is my longest chapter yet, I spent two hours on it last night, and just finished it up before I head out for work. I really hope you guys like this. I plan on adding more to this fanfic, but what other prompts would you like to see for the Underrated Daddies? I also plan on writing for Dragon Age and Borderlands (specifically because I'm Rhack garbage). If you wanna see more of my work, check out my social media on my bio page here!!
> 
> Thank you all for your overwhelming support, I love you all! <3

It’s been a long, difficult month, but I think I’m starting to fall back into my groove again. I can finally think about myself, and with Brian there, it feels like I’m finally able to breathe again. He and Daisy have been such a help to me around the house… They’ve been staying every day, practically moved in now that I’m out of the hospital. I don’t think Brian wants to let me out of his sight after my little incident. He's just more protective now than ever. Daisy too, she’s always offering to get me drinks (non-alcoholic, of course) and sit with me when her father is working and we’re both at the house. I’ve come to help her with homework and other problems just as I would Amanda, who has kept her promise to call every day and make sure that I haven’t fallen back into old habits. We make sure to stay at Brian’s house too, just so both houses get a little attention, and Daisy can enjoy her bedroom instead of Amanda’s old room. That, and Brian really loves to take care of his lawn. I get involved most days, helping him trim his hedges, and keeping his lawn nice and mowed. He even let me plant some flowers out front near the doorway.  
  
Every evening, when Brian comes home and I’ve finished my writing for the day, he opens the door with a booming laugh and a call for everyone in the house. Daisy is the first to run out, she’s so comfortable around her father that it’s almost like she’s a different person. She jumps into his arms, and he hugs her so tight she looks like she’s about to pop. Maxwell next, greeting Brian by showing his belly to his Papa, allowing him to get down and petpetpet that boy’s tummy. I like to be last in his greetings when the opportunity arises, because he holds me for just a little longer, and it gives me time to really plant a kiss on his mouth before asking him how his workday was.  
  
Tonight was a little different, though, tonight was a bit rough. It was a bit harder, a day that I felt really wanted me to stay in bed and just refuse to get up. Brian left that morning with a kiss to my forehead, and a proclamation of his love for me, and the entire day that Daisy was at school I had stayed in bed until I heard her open the door to my house. I have to force myself out of bed in order to go greet her, giving her a half-assed hug and a smile. I think she got the message, though, and she simply sent me back to bed. She’s a smart girl. I collapsed into the comforts of the mattress and my nest of pillows, almost to immediately get a call from Brian, appropriately renamed as “Papa Bear <3” in my phone. His choice in name, not mine.  
  
“Hey honey!” Brian beams on the other side of the phone. Daisy sent me a text, she said you looked like you weren’t feeling well. How are you holding up, you wanna talk?”  
  
_God dammit Daisy._  
  
“Brian, I know you’re working, I don’t want to bother you.”  
  
“Nonsense! I can talk on the phone where I want, when I want. It’s my business!” He chuckled. “What’s going on Justin?”  
  
“I.. I don’t know, I just feel really sluggish and kind of not good. It’s hard to think right now… All I know is that when you get home, I’m going to use you as my pillow for the rest of the night.” I say, matter of factly.  
  
“Well, lucky for you I’m at my last stop of the day. I want you to head out of the bed and wait on the couch for me with Daisy. I’m gonna bring some food home so we don’t have to cook, and it’s your choice in movie tonight. Does that sounds better than lying in bed? You can still use me as a pillow, that part is pretty much mandatory at this point.” I smile on the opposite side of the phone, and I laugh.  
  
“You’ve got me. I’ll see you when you’re home then. Be safe. I love you.” I tell him.  
  
“I love you too. See you soon.” I can practically hear the little heart emoji coming from Brian’s mouth as he hangs up. I decide to do as I’m told, and I immediately get up and start walking around again. I even force myself up and into the shower so I at least smell good for Papa Bear when he comes home. When I do hear the door open again, I quickly rush to put on some clothes and huddle out in our formation to greet Brian. He holds me a little tighter to his chest, and his kiss is a little longer than usual. I think he’s developed some overwhelming sense to when I’m not feeling at my peak, and for some reason, he knows exactly how to make it better: with love and affection.  
  
He places the takeout he’d gotten on the coffee table in front of the couch, and Daisy took it upon herself to start digging through my old DVD collection. I’m surprised she even knows what a DVD is, but then again, she’s a smart girl. Brian pulls me fully into his lap this time around, and he makes sure to hold me in a position where we both are able to see the television, and we’re both able to eat properly. Daisy takes her place in front of the television with Maxwell, staying in a pile together.  
  
It’s nice to be able to have time to ourselves like this, quiet, calm, save for the occasional laugh and the ever growing expanse of awful puns that Brian and I are able to provide. It’s fun hearing his daughter’s weak groans. Even Maxwell is whining.  
  
Once the film is over, and Brian and I have resorted to cuddling a little too close, our leftovers set aside for later, Daisy stands up and moves to grab a small backpack from the corner. “Where are you headed to? Don’t you wanna watch another movie?” I ask her, but she smiles politely and shakes her head.  
  
“No thank you, Mr. Beckett. I’m actually going to Mr. Cahn’s house to have a sleepover with Briar and Hazel. They’re gonna teach me about Softball, and Im going to teach them about the subplots for Moby Dick.” She smiles, and I just nod my head. Both Brian and I watch her walk the short distance to Craig’s home, making sure she gets inside okay. I wave to my bro, and he waves right back to me before closing the door.  
  
“Well what about you, Papa Bear?” I ask him softly, my voice much lower now. “Are you down to watch another movie? Or are you gonna be ditching me too?”  
  
“I um… I actually had something else in mind.” He says, and my heart stops.  
  
“Oh, I see.. Well don’t let me keep you—“  
  
“With you, silly!! I have something that I want to try with you.” He says, hoisting me up off of the ground, bridal style. I always forget just how strong Brian really is, that it’s not just perfect pudgy chub under that shirt, but the man is built like an ox with nearly pure muscle. He’s a contractor, after all. “I know you’ve been feeling really down today,” He begins, speaking to me as he carries me down the hallway. “So I wanted to show you just how much I cared. How much I want you to feel good…” He cooed, only to press his lips right back against mine, slotting them together once he was sure I wouldn’t hit my head on the wooden doorframe leading to my bedroom. We had made it safely to the bed, and he slowly sat me down on the edge, kneeling in front of me. My face grew red as he pulled his mouth off of mine, and I looked anywhere but right at him.  
  
“You really don’t have to do anything like that Brian…”  
  
“But I want to. It’s our first time together in this kind of way, and I want to make you feel like you deserve to feel. And since Daisy is out of the house, you’re allowed to make a little bit of noise.” He grinned, his hands now placed on my hips _beneath_ my shirt. They were warm and calloused, rough against my own smoothed skin. It felt so different than I remember. I hadn’t exactly had the chance to sleep with anyone else since my last husband. Brian could tell that I was thinking too much, some way or another, and he takes my chin in his hands. He kisses me again, leaving his lips locked on mine. He’s trying so hard to distract me, I have to let it happen. I want to. I decide to really embrace Brian now, throwing my arms around his shoulders to hold him to me like an anchor. I wonder if he knows how rusty I am at this. Do you think he has like, virgin senses? In no way am I a virgin, but I mean… I act like it. Part of it’s a shtick, the other is just me not knowing what the fuck I’m doing if it’s not a handjob or missionary.  
  
I can feel his hands roam up beneath my shirt, hiking it under my armpits. His calloused thumbs rake over my dark nipples, causing them to pebble on my chest. I make a soft noise against his lips, and I can feel Brian smile. “I didn’t know you were sensitive here… Maybe I should keep playing with them.” He teases, starting to press harder and pinch them a bit. I arch into his touch, my hips twitching and my fists balling up the sheet between my fingers. My hands find their way into his curly red hair, gently tugging. It catches me off-guard though, when he leans forward to lick my left nipple, the hand playing with my right now twisting and tugging it gently. I can’t help but really moan now, my head falling back between my shoulders. I’ve never been played with like this before, it was intoxicating. Every nip, every playful lick, every tug sent a throbbing pressure to my groin. I didn’t want him to pull away when he did, I could have let him stay there for the rest of eternity if he’d wanted, but it seemed Brian had other plans.  
  
His hands went for the elastic band of my sweatpants, dipping beneath to cup my ass in his hands. The sheer size of his hands against me made me feel so small… I kind of liked that. I watch Brian’s eyes now, and they’re wandering across my chest, looking at his handiwork. I’m sure that with the way he was looking at me, he was leaving marks that were going to show more prominently tomorrow morning. His hands were pulling towards him now, swooping my sweats and underwear down in one fell swoop. My face was red, but I made no attempt to stop him. I had been thinking about this since before my relapse, and now that it was coming true and he was paying so much attention to me, I didn’t want to waste any more time.  
  
Brian was about to dip his head down to start licking and palming my cock, but I stopped him, pulling his face up. “I know you said you wanted me to feel good, but that doesn’t mean you have to sit on the sidelines and wait. On the bed.” I say to him, pulling him up. I decide the best option for both of us is to be completely nude. I work on pulling off his work shirt, and immediately start to pull off his pants. He makes some smartass comment, but I can’t hear him over the immense thirst I’m suddenly feeling. Once I actually get his work pants off, all I can do is stare. He’s… He’s massive. I assumed he would be big, but not like this. It had to be at least two inches bigger than mine. I try my darndest not to feel self-conscious again.  
  
“I want both of us to feel good, so maybe we could… Like..” I try gesturing with my hands, what I’m trying to convey, and he eventually gets the hint.  
  
“Oh!”  
  
He grabs my hips, manhandling me in a way I didn’t think someone could be manhandled (and boy howdy am I not complaining), and he positions me so I’m straddling his face. I lean over forward, hesitantly taking his cock into my hand as he does the same. We’re both so nervous and unprepared, but when I feel that first lick to the tip of my cock, I shiver and let out a rather girlish moan. It embarrasses me so badly, I lean forward to shut myself up by licking and stroking his own massive member. It smelled of sweat, and the curly red pubic hairs tucked away under the soft overhang of his tummy were so cute… They rose up into his happy trail, he was so well groomed. I wrap my lips around the head of his cock and give a wet suck, and it final gets him to make a noise. It was low in his throat, almost aggressive, and it came out with a rumble that made my own dick vibrate between his lips. I let my hips rock gently, and he did the same. Both of us were far more eager than anticipated. We kept up like this for a good few minutes, until both of us were now dripping pre-cum. I move to pull up, and once I’m sitting upright and ready to get off, Brian is suddenly holding me down against his mouth, and his tongue is pressing forward inside of me. My eyes roll into the back of my head, and I grip his knees tightly in my hands.  
  
“B-Brian, Brian, fuck…!! N-No, fuck, come on you can’t d-do that…!!” I manage to spit out.  
  
“I don’t know, Justin, tastes right to me.” Brian retorted, making my body quiver even harder. He was eating me out like it was going to be his last meal. I’ve never seen him so primal. It was warm, almost slimy with how far he was pushing his tongue inside. I feel my eyes start to cross, and I force them shut tight. When he finally releases me from his grip, I nearly collapse. The sudden lack of stimulation is too much to take.  
  
“Brian, p-please…” I beg, my body starting to quiver. Immediately I roll over onto my back, out of instinct, and spread my legs. “N-No fair, teasing me like that…” I’m stuttering, I don’t think I’ll be able to keep up if he doesn’t hurry and do something. He’s eyeing me, his gaze carries weight and his grin is almost scary to me. I need him. He shakes his head at me though, and he moves to grab the bottle of lotion that I have at my bedside. I get very ashy hands in the evening, okay?  
  
He’s coating his fingers with the makeshift-lube as he speaks. “You know that I don’t want to hurt you, I have to make sure you’re stretched. I’ve never like… Done it, with a guy before, so I really had to do some research.” He admits, and it’s kind of cute the way he’s acting, but I nod my head in understanding. “So I’m gonna go slowly, and I want you to tell me if it’s too much.” He reminds me, right as he slips one of his thick fingers into my ass. I melt a little at the feeling, it's nice to have something inside me again. His finger is worming it’s way deeper, and eventually he finds what he’s looking for. I can feel him press up against that little button inside of me, and I’m jolting off the bed, letting out a weak, girlish scream.  
  
“Again, again again!!” I’m begging, spreading my legs wider. He adds a second finger, and a third, god if these are just his fingers… I’m writhing against the bed as the attack on my prostate continues, and I’m sure by the way Brian’s moaning, he’s fisting his own cock in order to relieve some pressure. I grab my knees and pull them up almost to my shoulders, moaning loudly into the night air of my bedroom. He’s pulling out before I can take a step closer to the edge, and I whine pathetically at the sudden empty feeling. It’s not all bad, though, because I can see what’s coming next.  
  
Finally he leans over me, his heavy cock in his hand, and he positions the head at my entrance. “You tell me if I’m hurting you, or if you wanna stop, y’hear?” He warns me. I shake my head desperately, I don’t want him to stop, and I'm now clutching his shoulders to try and bring him down, to get him to go faster. I don’t _want to stop._  
  
Brian seems to get the message, and at an agonizingly slow pace he finally presses inside me. I’m already seeing stars with how much he’s stretching me, and it’s heaven when the crest of his cock rubs right up against my sweet spot. I throw my head back and grip his shoulders tighter, and it’s music to my ears to hear Brian’s soft mutterings of ‘fuck, you’re so tight’ and ‘little more, little deeper…’.  
  
When he’s bottomed out inside me, I feel my hips starting to roll. “Move.” I demand, threading one hand through his hair to grip just a bit. He grins at me, and suddenly he’s rolling his hips right back. We’re grinding against each other like sweaty, hormonal teenagers, and all that can be heard in the room is the wet slap of two bodies, and the ridiculous sounds that I’m making. I’ve lost all control of what I’m saying or doing because I can’t even fucking think straight with the way he’s ramming into me. He takes hold of my knees for me, really pushing them against my chest as a way to get his fat cock deeper inside.  
  
I fall limp against the bed as he speeds up his thrusts, he’s picking up the pace. Both of us are getting close, I can tell by the way his dick is throbbing inside me. “So fucking good, Bri, so fucking good when you take me l-like this…” I’m babbling. “Love you, I love you I love you…!!” I start to chant because that wet heat is building up in the pit of my stomach. He leans forward to mumble his declaration of love into my ear too, his hand slithering between us to grab my cock and start pumping in time with the way he’s pumping his hips.  
  
I scream out into the room, clamping my ankles tight around the back of Brian’s head, and I look to him. “Can’t take it, gonna cum, need to cum Brian please, please!! F-Feels too good, too good…!!”  
  
“G-Go on then, honey, want you to cum for me… Cum, Justin…!!”  
  
Both of us are desperately rutting against each other, and there’s something building up, and suddenly my vision goes white and I can feel myself spilling across my chest and Brian’s hand. His hips slow down, and he’s moving to pull out. He hasn’t cum yet. “B-Brian, don’t.” I say, grabbing his hips and pushing them back down. “Go on, inside me.” The look on his face is euphoric, and he doesn’t waste another minute before he’s pounding me into the mattress again. The over-stimulation is making my vision blur again, but Brian’s grunting and panting? Much more worth it.  
  
I watch him, or try to at least, contort his face as he’s racing towards orgasm, and suddenly it’s relaxed again. It’s wet when he cums, it feels like there’s so much that he’s pressing into me. I can feel it clinging to my inner walls, I adore it. I’ve missed this feeling. Slowly he begins pulling out again, and I let him. A bit of cum drips down between my cheeks.  
  
Brian kisses my swollen lips, licking over them just briefly before locking them together. We’re panting, our breath mixing together as we both chase after it. I languidly wrap my arms around his shoulders, and he releases my ankles and the flop down onto either side of us, too weak to move. Brian’s manhandling me again, and I let him. He places me on top of his chest, his large hands moving to rub at my back.  
  
“Did that um… Did that make you feel any better, at least?...” He asks, once the both of us have caught our breath.  
  
“With the sudden rush of adrenaline, and the even bigger rush of endorphins, I would say that made me feel _much_ better.” I resort to drawing patterns on his chest with my finger, letting them rake through his chest hair. “What about you? I saw you kinda hesitate before you came.”  
  
“I just didn’t want to over-do it, that’s all.. If I’m honest, I’m glad you let me do it inside. Felt more natural. A-And I promise I’m clean, I’ve got my medical records and—“  
  
“Brian, I wouldn’t have let you if I didn’t trust you. Silly.” I lean up to start peppering kisses across his chest, neck, and cheeks, and it seems the action is tickling to Brian, because he starts to bubble up with laughter. It warms my heart to see him like this. I’m sure it’s nice for him to see me more vulnerable too. He makes me happy that I decided to get help.  
  
“I love you so much…” I mutter when our lips finally meet in another kiss.  
  
“I love you too…” Brian murmurs against my own, and my hand searches for his, entwining our fingers together. Seemingly out of nowhere, in the comfortable silence, Brian looks at me and says, “So, wanna go again?”  
  
He doesn’t give me a chance to answer before he’s rolling over top of me, tickling me with his kisses. I’m laughing now, how could I say no to someone so sweet?


End file.
